Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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