the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
two words: eviction party
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
