first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
