sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
