My sheets look like a crime scene.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
