She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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