soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
