Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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