Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
