Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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