Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
cat food counts as protein by the way
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
try to milk me bitch
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