he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
