Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
