are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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