Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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