Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
3pm strippers are depressing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
