the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So squirting runs in the family.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
