Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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