1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
