You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
