I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
