Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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