I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
