wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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