2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
