Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
