Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
