Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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