While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
