***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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