You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
