quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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