bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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