I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize