Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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