WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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