I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
