her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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