thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
