Where did you get a picture of my penis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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