drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
