She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
People in love make me want to vomit
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
