think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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