All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize