She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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