Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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