Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize