My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
