And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
