you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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