you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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