census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
