Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
