If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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