1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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