Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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