I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
