Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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