one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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