We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
