seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So. Much. Porn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
