I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
