Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
